Why was the Apple launch so pants? The top 8 conspiracy theories

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I thought it was underwhelming, the US financial community declared it pants and pulled a few % off Apple shares to show its displeasure and even the fan boys had trouble getting excited.
Yep, Apple’s Rock and Roll, event on Wednesday turned out to be a as fluffy as a cotton wool factory.

So why did Apple screw a product launch do badly? Well the conspiracy theories are already kicking in – here’s our top five

1 It was about Steve and not the product – Fair play to the fella. He has just come back from a liver transplant and is back running the company again – now that has to be worth a standing ovation or two. So maybe it was felt that a cracking new redesigned touch would overshadow his comeback.

2 The Fab Four (really ought to be deadly duo now) turned out to not be so Fab – So Apple announces its launch on the same day as The Beatles have theirs and Apple calls the event Rock and Roll. Doesn’t take a Sherlock to realise that some Beatles deal (Fabs on iTunes, Sergeant Pepper iPod) was on the cards quite possibly until earlier this week. Yoko even told Sky News there would be Beatles tracks on iTunes as late as Tuesday. All very odd.

3 The Netbook/Tablet still isn’t ready – Apple were all set to unveil a groundbreaking new product, but the R&D guys told Jobbsie that held have to wait a little longer as things weren’t quite ready. In the case of the tablet that’s probably a good three years in then pipeline now.

4 Apple is slowly killing off the iPods – Well this one is almost believable. The Classic could well be pensioned off next time round and surely it won’t be long now before the shuffle drops out of your Corn Flakes packet. Apple’s future surely has to focus on the touch and the iPhone.

5 Don’t’ upset the touch bandwagon – The Touch is selling very nicely thank you so why bother going to the expense of adding a camera when it probably won’t bring about a huge uplift in sales. Also the camera is likely to be fairly pants, so leave it a year or so and put something half decent in there.

A few others

• John Lennon couldn’t make the event – he was otherwise engaged
• Derren Brown was threatening to reveal the new products last week. This involves a trick with mirrors, screens and odd shaped balls
• Apple were being nice to Palm and Motorola who also had product launches this week. Both are in dire straits at the moment and if they do go down the only US phone manufacturer left would be Apple, which isn’t necessarily a good place to be.

Ashley Norris