I love Pitchfork as much as the next (indie) man: the barnstorming blog has become a key source of trusted reviews for many fans who’ve drifted away from the music press. But it can be occasionally a bit… po-faced. So huzzah for The Onion, which has lampooned the blog in a story titled ‘Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8’, covering an imaginary review of, well, all music ever.
“Music’s first offering, an eclectic, disparate, but mostly functional compendium of influences from 5000 B.C. to present day, hints that this trend’s time may not only have fully arrived, but is already on the wane,” it reads. “If music has any chance of keeping our interest, it’s going to have to move beyond the same palatable but predictable notes, meters, melodies, tonalities, atonalities, timbres, and harmonies.”
I’m loving the description of the fictional review as beginning in earnest “after a six-paragraph preamble comprising a long list of baroquely rendered, seemingly unrelated anecdotes peppered with obscure references” too.