Well, if I were ‘in’ with Steve Jobs and his cronies, that’d be the case, anyway!
My more-than-slightly-dodgy Photoshop of the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine iPod last week caused such a furore over the internet. It got to the point where when Gizmodo linked to us and after readers complained about the quality of the pic, they had to create a new version to sate the Apple fanboys’ appetite.
So I thought I’d throw a bit more bleach on your eyes with some more band-themed iPods Apple really should create. Stuff the Beatles’ whole catalogue, who wants…Simply Red’s? Apart from, er, my dad?
1.) Simply Red – red like name, red like Mick Hucknall’s hair, this iPod is flaming hot, and cranking out Holding Back The Years whilst on the bus is sure to get that filly’s attention. With 11 studio albums and two greatest hits albums, you’d certainly be getting your money’s worth if Money’s Too Tight To Mention. Heh.
Lust-worthiness: if you’re my Dad, 10/10. If you actually have taste, 2/10. What? ‘Stars’ is good for a chillin’ Sunday brunch, doncha know?
2.) The Beatles – the band/iPod mash-up which started it all, the Yellow Submarine Jobs-stick will come loaded with their entire back catalogue. We don’t live in a Yellow Submarine anymore, we live in an Apple Flagship store, now.
Lust-worthiness: without a doubt, 10/10. Unless you originally own their entire back catalogue anyway, or the yellow shade of the ‘pod makes you need a wee, that is.
3.) Maroon 5 – possibly one of the less-favourable colours in the spectrum, at least you can ensure that when listening to Songs About Jane (yes, we had to Wikipedia that), no Asbo card-holders would want to mug you. Maroon? Ain’t going with me Adidas shell suit, innit.
Lust-worthiness: unless you’re Jessica Simpson, you won’t want to taint your pocket with anything containing their measly two albums. 0/10.
4.) New Order – a blue iPod to store all the various covers of Blue Monday (make sure you check out Squarepusher’s!), this collaboration could be a huge reality. Audiophile baby boomers love Apple, and love Peter Hook and co. (except for when their constant splitting-up and reunions rivals Kate and Pete’s relationship), and with their eight albums and six compilations, the £300+ Apple would no doubt charge would be well worth the notes.
Lust-worthiness: off the richter scale! Everyone loves blue, and the only iPod fans who don’t like New Order are, well, that aforementioned Asbo card-holders. But they’ve probably got Shuffles anyway.
5.) Prince – the undisputed King of Purple, if he would happily paint a whole house purple, I’m sure he’d paint a whole ‘pod purple too. Although he does seem more concerned about releasing albums for free via the Mail, than actually earning any money.
Lust-worthiness: Having more albums than you can shake a raspberry beret at, the £300+ you’d no doubt spend on the iPod would be cheaper than actually buying his complete discography on CD or vinyl. For value’s sake, 9/10, for music quality’s sake, 3/10.
6.) Pink – probably more famous for her hair colour and alleged (past) heroin use than her music, if Apple were to release a pink iPod with her meagre four albums, riots would no doubt ensue down at Apple’s flagship stores. That, and a bunch of motorcross frenzied toilet-brush haired women would camp outside for days. Definition of scary – have you seen their muscle definition!?
Lust-worthiness: 0/10. Unless you actually like crud, that is.
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