Alright lads, listen up, yeah? Next time yah dahn the boozer, check aht the poker machine what’s ready to swallah all ya nuggets, yeah.. Cos, it’s diamond, innit.
Right. Enough of talking like I’m in a film by Guy Ritchie. It hurts my head. What i’m trying to say is: If you happen to find yourself having a drink in your local public house, then you should probably look out for the new machine by CosmicVideo Games – the ‘Heads-Up Challenge’ poker table.
That is, of course, if you like that sort of thing.
What is essentially another wafer-thin ploy to part stupid people from their hard-earned money, the Heads-Up poker table takes advantage of the predominantly male fondness for competitiveness, flashing lights, button slapping and money-losing to pub machines.
Fully automated, the Heads-Up Challenge games table offers punters the chance to go head-to-head in a battle for bragging rights in ‘Texas Hold’em’ Poker tournaments – against each other, against the machine, or against a smallish tournament of 8 people.
Boasting ‘traditional poker actions and realistic movements and sounds’, the table is distinctive for looking like a table, and also having three flatscreen monitors; two small personal screens to safe-guard your individual hand of cards, and a large shared main screen to show the battleground of cards, chips, and all important ‘bank’ information.
My major problem with this product is the unsettling lack of any touchscreen technology. For a product that prides itself on so much flatscreen interaction, it seems positively 20th Century of them to have created a games machine that doesn’t allow you to touch and smudge your pudgy man-paws all over it. It just doesn’t seem very new or original. Like i’ve seen it all before in a smokey gaming hall or gambling den during the late 90’s. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that two people can sit down and duke it out by playing against each other i’d be completely surprised to be writing this review of it at all.
Oh, a good bit of news for those of you sitting there with sweaty palms just itching to get hold of this little beauty for their home / office / local Wetherspoons – If you buy one now, the CosmicVideo Games website promises to give you two free stools with every purchase.
One assumes they mean the furniture kind of ‘stool’, and nothing else.