Since Charles Goodyear invented the rubber vulcanization process, condoms haven’t seen much in the way of product development, apart from a couple of material changes, since the first rubbers were manufactured in 1855. Arguably, the John Thomas hasn’t exactly seen much of its share of design changes in that time either, so perhaps male contraceptives aren’t in great need of a makeover either. However, one German scientist thinks differently.
Jan Vinzenz Krause has spent years (years!) working on a new way of enhancing the humble johnny and now he has the solution – a spray-on prophylactic for your sceptre. Another part of his reasoning is that no two schlongs are alike and sometimes jimmies just won’t fit. Yes, yes, we know – they don’t make them big enough yawn.
The spray-on service isn’t simply a case of cracking open a can of kids-b-gone – despite what Jonathon Ross says – but at the moment, the process sounds rather complicated. Not to mention about as erotic as sticking your wang in a dishwasher. Krause’s device is basically a chamber – not unlike a carwash – into which you insert your meat whistle. Fine jets will then distribute liquid latex onto your trouser snake over the course of 10 seconds. A further 20-25 seconds are required for drying. That’s probably doubling some people’s normal time right there.
On the plus side, just look at the colours it comes in! I really hope they sell them individually. I’ve always found that waving your wand in the air for 20-25 seconds is considerably more enjoyable, and indeed socially acceptable, if it has been sprayed bright blue. Oh – and we’d like a glow in the dark one, please. That’ll surprise the missus.
Sadly, Krause is currently hard at work on a way to get the drying time down to ten seconds, so that’ll put an end to all those hilarious renditions of ‘I can sing a rainbow’ .
Krause was about to have a go at launching earlier in the year, but problems with the patent halted his plans. Furthermore, because it is a medical product, it has to go through particularly rigorous testing. I expect that even as I type this, seventeen nervous German students are being asked to pop their pork swords inside a narrow tube that sprays hot latex. Lucky them, eh?
Also: Willies! Tee hee.