Should you find yourself at a loose end on Christmas Day, with nothing but a laptop and Internet connection, then here are twenty things you could do to pass the time until the Boxing Day sales start and you can go and buy yourself a new sofa. Though I think Zara might have something to say about not being geeky on Christmas Day
1. Find as many ways of watching the Queen’s Christmas Day speech as possible
Yes, yes, it’s on BBC1, ITV1, BBC HD, and Sky HD, but this year it will be sent out as a podcast, will be available on the BBC News web site, and will no doubt appear on YouTube at some point – probably by some geek testing out his new laptop.
2. Download the lyrics for as many Kylie Minogue songs and start singing them at 6.50pm
Yes, Kylie’s in Doctor Who, and you can ruin the whole experience by singing “I Should Be So Lucky” as the Titanic goes down.
3. Visit the Gone With the Wind web site
View the history, and take the trivia test. It might not take you three-and-a-half hours to complete, though.
4. Find a BitTorrent of The Great Escape…
…because you always watch it on Christmas Day, but hadn’t realised it was on 23rd this year. Not that we’re advocating illegally downloading content. You could always buy the DVD from Amazon instead.
5. Download music and lyrics for Christmas carols and songs
It might be that you’re the only one who sings along, but hey, it is Christmas.
6. See how many people have updated their blogs today
7. Update your own blog
Because everyone will want to read about how many sprouts you eat. And if you don’t have a blog…
8. Start a new blog
Just because you can, and it will probably be the worst one you’ve ever written.
9. Add Christmas decorations to your blog
You’ve resisted so far, but you know that flashing Christmas lights animation is just dying to go onto your web site.
10. Start planning next year’s collection of stupid USB gadgets
Because you can never start too early overloading your PC with useless tat.
11. Start eBay auctions for unwanted Christmas presents
Just be sure to do it surreptitiously if you’re sat in the same room as the person the gift came from.
12. Use the Internet Movie Database to make a list for charades
You know someone is going to want to play this traditional, low-tech game at some point between The Queen’s Christmas Message and EastEnders, so you may as well get a decent list of films and TV shows ready so that you’re not all doing “Jaws”.
13. Get ready for the New Year
Learn the words and the history of Auld Lang Syne and laugh at Wikipedia’s attempt at the Scots pronunciation guide.
14. Use the Internet Anagram Server to solve all the cryptic crosswords
Most newspapers and magazines seem to have giant cryptic crosswords during the festive period, many of which rely on the humble anagram. Save some time (cheat) with this online resource.
15. Add every available application to your Facebook account
See if you can crash your profile page, or at least make it take over five minutes to load.
16. Mug up on HD DVD and Blu-ray
and convince yourself / your nan why you bought the right / wrong format.
17. Play as many online snowball games as possible
18. Visit our 50 Christmas web sites from last year
Be a good web citizen by ensuring that they all still exist and haven’t turned into pr0n sites.
19. See how many Christmas LOLCats you can find
Coz those crazy cats are sure to be celebrating Yuletide.
20. Find out the dates for rubbish, recycling, and Christmas tree collection
Of course it’s boring! If you’ve read this far on Christmas Day and you’ve really nothing to do (even EastEnders has to be better than this) then you might as well do something truly useful.
Perhaps, instead, you should just open another can of beer, kick back, and warm up the vocal cords for your Kylie impersonation.