The Body Battery Calculator will stop you from frequenting Starbucks, guaranteed

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body-calculator.jpgGreat. Just what I always wanted, another reason to lay off the Krispy Kreme Fridays at Shiny Towers. Bah!

For crazy health-conscious freaks who like nothing better to do that to work out how fat they are, take a look at The Body Battery Calculator. If you measure your heart rate, and can manage to shield your computer monitor from prying eyes, so you can enter in TOP SECRET information such as your weight (gasp!), height, body type (thank goodness the first option is average, you can claim you didn’t see the ‘obese’ option underneath) and age (cast furtive glances around you again), the calculator will work out just how much energy your body creates.

Unfortunately I couldn’t even detect a heart rate in my neck or wrist, even after swinging my left arm in circles for three minutes to speed it up, so I think I’m dead I can’t give you an example of how many watts I use. You know what that means, then…you’ll have to go over and do it yourself.

Once you pop in your deepest, darkest secrets, you’ll be told how many watts your body produces, what the percentage above/below the average person is, and such riveting details like how many light bulbs you could light up, iPods you could power, how many Xbox 360s, and how many of you would be needed to keep a fridge running.

Once you’ve learned the ghastly truth, if you’re a lucky sod who got a positive result back, you can even import a widget with the results onto your blog. I imagine the sort of people who’d do this would be the people you see jogging around your office in their lunch-break, having quickly changed from their suits into running gear, shaking their heads at you as you pass them scoffing your Starbucks muffin.

Thank goodness I can’t detect my heart rate, as ignorance really is bliss.

The Body Battery Calculator

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Katherine Hannaford