The red carpet was awash with make-up, jewelry and false modesty in small hours of this morning as a large troop of Britons waltzed into LA to pick up most of the important Academy Awards. So, on a day like today, it seems appropriate to look back through the history at those honoured with Hollywood’s highest accolade and line up the top 10 greatest Oscar winners of all time – well, the tech version anyway.
10.) 11001 Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
The tragic and and uplifting story of a small time criminal who feigns insanity to escape sentence but ends up changing the lives of the inmates of a mental asylum forever – with binary!
9.) Krazor vs Krazor (1979)
A heart-wrenching courtroom drama where the bosses of a large and once great mobile phone manufacturing company fight to keep hold of their last remaining handset.
8.) Disc Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
A mean, bad tempered, old, white lady finds company in her gentleman of a black chauffeur. Together they struggle with her loss of independence, the racial prejudices of 1950s America and the move away from a dated removable storage format.
7.) The Limited or No French Connection (1971)
The greatest car chase in film history is brought to life in this stunning portrayal of a desperate man trying to get onto the internet.
6.) Lawrence of Blu-raybia (1962)
British war time mega-epic set in WW1 Middle East. An English soldier unites the Arab nation to force the Turks out of Arabia and all for the price of as many high-density, purple, shiny discs as they could ever need.
5.) Crash (2005)
The sticky subject of racial prejudice is tackled in this film where the attitudes of people from all walks of life collide in moments of explosion as they each try desperately to remove spyware, trojans and resolve any IRQ issues. (Not the one with wound-fucking weirdos )
4.) My Fair LaCie (1964)
The rags to riches story of an HDD from the gutter as it’s cleaned, preened, tweaked and made presentable, and all for bet. The work by Shaw poses the important questions of whether it is right to be judged according to class, whether or not Higgins has reformed his misogyny and whether 500GB of storage really is enough?
3.) Gone with the MSI Wind (1938)
An epic romance/drama/loss of netbook story, the longest film ever to pick up the Best Film award and the only one to have involved a small, 10-inch computer. The backdrop of the American Civil war, the passion from the acting greats and a laptop that spawned so many others lifts this movie high in Hollywood history as the film most rebadged time and time again.
2.) The Silence of the LANs (1991)
FBI agent Clarice Starling is sent to question a psychopath and catch a killer in the hope that by doing so, she can finally stop the nightmarish sounds of the 20 gamers next door clicking mice, tapping keyboards and eating hot-pockets and that once day she can hear the silence of the LANs.
1.) My Big Fat32 Greek Wedding (2002)
Ok, so this film never won an Oscar but I’m a man who can recognise the one moment in life I can make that joke and that was it. It’s the story of a girl from a big Greek family who marries a computer file system. Look, does it matter?