Competition: Beat AQA at their game – send Shiny your best shot


AQA.jpgNot one year after their six millionth question, text know-it-alls AQA have already doubled in size again taking on average 17,500 questions each day from over 1.4 million customers.

At one quid a throw, the phrase, “Why didn’t I think of that?” springs to mind and in my state of jealousy, I’ve decided to run a mini-comp to try to outfox the mobile answers service who do have a penchant for the smug whenever possible.

What I’d like you to do is to send in your suggestions for a question that they simply can’t answer but I warn you, there’s a team of 1,400 people we’re up against and they do this for a living.

The best and most cunning question will get asked through my phone and I shall personally stump up the cash.

Here’s a few for inspiration and a taster of what we’re up against:

Q. What’s the meaning of life?
A. Life is the result of a complex sequence of chemical reactions & has no underlying meaning. Assign your own meaning: find out what you love & do it.

Q. What’s the funniest joke in the world?
A. Funniest joke: 2 men; 1 collapses on floor. 2nd man dials 999. ‘Don’t panic, make sure he’s dead’ says operator. Gunshot heard. Man says ‘OK, now what?’

Q. What comes at the beginning of the end, twice in a week, once in a year but never in a day?
A. The answer is the letter ‘e’. It is at the beginning of ‘end’, twice in a ‘week’, once in a ‘year’ but not in a ‘day’. There are two in a ‘decade’.

Q. Am I pregnant?
A. You may be pregnant if you have tender or swollen breasts, a delayed period, nausea or food cravings. See your GP or call NHS Direct on 08454647.

Q. Why do men have nipples?
A. Men’s nipples develop before the gender of the embryo becomes male, as all embryos start off female. They have no real function except sexual pleasure.

Q. Did Jesus eat chocolate?
A. Jesus didn’t eat chocolate although if he had, AQA suspects his favourite would have been Bounty, the taste of Paradise.

If you can’t think of an AQA beater, then just send me a mystery you’ve always wanted solved.

Competition closes at 4.30pm tomorrow (17/04/08) when I’ll fire off the winner. Good luck and good thinking.

Related posts: Six millionth question for AQA

Daniel Sung
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  • I know I’m way too late for the competition but I managed to beat them!

    Q. (23/05/08) What is the origin of the surname Mboob and how is it pronounced?
    A. AQA apologises, but cannot find the origins or indeed pronunciation of the surname Mboob. It is a rare name, with just 66 UK adults registered with it.

  • As an AQA researcher, I’m very pleased we were able to give you full satisfaction. As added value, I can tell you that Ho Chi Minh also worked in the kitchens at the Drayton Court Hotel, next to West Ealing station. It’s now a Fullers pub with good regular live jazz.

  • Absolutely, and their staff do an excellent job of promoting their service and rubbishing the competition at the same time.

    Well done them.


  • AQA seem to be far more on the ball than Texperts and provide real value for money. They must have some spot-on researchers who really know their stuff. They also have a wicked sense of humour.

  • Right that’s it. I give in. They’re too good. They only went and bloody answered it. The answer to, “A friend in the military once said to me… “Ship E4B, B5 is pancaked on his mother so we will use the paper mustang T7 to shadow faker 445″… what does it mean?” is…

    …get this…

    RN warship (E4B) with helicopter (B5) on the deck (pancaked) of the ship (mother), so will use her simulated helo (Mustang T7) to follow simulated threat.

    There we go. Conclusive evidence that you just can’t beat them.


  • They’re taking their time.


    Oh, hang on:

    Answer: Ho Chi Minh, who became Prime Minister and then President of North Vietnam: he once worked as a pastry assistant in the Carlton Hotel, London.

    Damn it. That right Andrew?

    Right, I’m asking the military question as well.


  • “Why does AQA charge £1 per question ASKED rather than £1 per question ANSWERED (like Texperts)?”

    Posted by: Rax Lakhani | April 16, 2008 8:19 PM

    AQA doesn’t charge £1 per question asked; it charges £1 per text sent. If you ask 4 questions for your £1, it’ll answer them if it can possibly fit them in. Texperts refuse to answer more than one Q for £1. Why is that?

  • A friend of mine in the military once said to me “Ship E4P B5 is pancaked on his mother so we will use the paper mustang T7 to shaddow faker 445” what does this mean?

  • Right, comp closed. The question I’m going to ask is…

    …well, I like your question Jim but them being them, they’ll say “both”…

    …and I like the clone questions but I reckon the answers run “murder”, “yes” and “incest” in that order – as much as the last tickled me…

    ..I like the sausage and the egg, love the ring binder/hole-punch but I’m going with…

    “Which world leader worked as a pastry assistant?” because I’m not sure how you figure that one out. Here we go. Answer in a second.


  • A friend in the military once said to me… “Ship E4B, B5 is pancaked on his mother so we will use the paper mustang T7 to shaddow faker 445″… what does it mean?

  • My question: “Why does AQA charge £1 per question ASKED rather than £1 per question ANSWERED (like Texperts)?”

    Posted by: Rax Lakhani | April 16, 2008 8:19 PM

    My question, howcomes Texperts get more answers wrong than right and still charge?

  • Here’s some questions

    – does the eiffel tower grow in the summer?

    – would you rather be a sausage or an egg?

    – who is the 3rd best selling author of all time?

    – which world leader worked as a pastry assistant?

    – what’s the oldest pub in London?

    – which came first – the hole punch or the ring binder?

    – how many light bulbs in new york?

  • I can give you the answer to Rax question – it’s because they’re on a different billing system – AQA charge when you text them (£1), Texperts charge you when they text back (so it costs you a standard message – say 10p + £1). I’ve always wondered whether it’s because AQA cost less than Texpetrs that its how they’re so much bigger, or whether the answers are better? Now that’s a good question.

  • I came up with a few, and have thusly realized I am a bit worse for the wear mentally come the end of the semester:

    1) If you cloned yourself and then killed your clone, would it be murder or suicide?

    2) If you cloned yourself and caught your significant other having sex with your clone would, that be cheating/adultery?

    3) If you cloned yourself and had sex with your clone, is that incest or just self love?

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