Gary Cutlack writes…
Today might be the day my laptop finally breaks. I hope it does. The bloody thing cost me £850 about two and a half years ago but is now little more than an embarrassment and liability.
So if it breaks, I’ll be able to buy a new one for half that amount. One with three times the power and enough memory to open up several applications at the same time. And it’ll be smaller and lighter. Please break, laptop. I don’t love you any more.
I’m even hoping Microsoft brings out a new type of internet that’s incompatible with this laptop, so I’ll have no choice but to upgrade.
I also made the classic error of buying an HD TV just over two years ago. This means I paid three times as much money for half the number of connectors everyone else is getting today. Hopefully that will break soon too, then I can get a 42″ 1080p one for HALF what my rubbish 32-incher cost.
Every time I turn it on, I hope to hear a popping sound. Or a fizzing. Or for the picture to be all green, or for it to just not bloody work at all for no reason. Even if the fuse went in the plug, that’d be enough reason to go out and buy a vastly superior telly with at least an extra 10 inches of screen for half what I paid in 2006.
I take a few more risks with my MP3 player nowadays than I did when it was new, too. It’s only 2GB. It’d be doing me a favour by breaking, then I could get something with a bit more of an adult-sized storage capacity. It’s in my bag. I am not careful with it. I put it down roughly. I throw my keys in with it, in the vain hope a jagged edge might break the screen.
Digital camera? I think I left it in the garden overnight. Hopefully the slugs have got to it. Stupid thing only does 7.0-megapixels. Even my dad’s does more than that now.
And hopefully, typing all these words has helped wear out the keyboard on my laptop a little bit quicker than if I’d just written a short update about a new kind of mobile phone today.
I’m going to type a few capital letters really hard now, by smashing my fist into the surface of the keyboard.
It’s still working 🙁