OJ Simpson is Steve Jobs's hired hitman, says reputable source (from his prison cell)


oj-simpson-court-2.jpgOur second OJ Simpson story in two days? Don’t worry, this is still a technology blog…I think. But hey! This story involves Steve Jobs too! That got your interest back, eh?

According to the lads at Apple Insider, a prisoner in a South Carolina jail has accused Steve Jobs of employing O.J. Simpson as a ‘hitman’ over the past two decades. Yes, really. I’d be getting the inmate to do a quick drugs test ASAP.

According to prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches, Simpson has been Jobs’s hitman since the “1985 MOVE house bombing in Philadelphia, which Jobs started with borrowed pyrotechnics from Great White,” as well as “providing Jobs with food blenders since the midwest flood of 1993” and that Simpson also “paid Jobs to clone Dolly the sheep on April 20, 1998.”

But that’s not all, for Jobs and Simpson have been much more busy, with Jobs supposedly trying to aim nuclear missles at Riches’ brain and – get this – Lance Armstrong’s bicycle.

Riches is apparently renowned for his fake filings of complaints, and even has a Wikipedia entry outlining all his hilarious and grandiose court cases, including one several weeks ago against Elvis Presley and the Neverland Ranch for “WAR CRIMES Rock N Rollin My Brain”.

Obviously he’s not the brightest saucepan in the cupboard, or is simply whiling his way away in prison, amusing himself, but nonetheless, the thought of O.J. Simpson being Steve Jobs’s hitman is hilarious. Actually, scratch that, the thought of Steve Jobs being O.J. Simpson’s hitman could work, too…anyone know where Jobs was on June 12, 1994? Only joking, fanboys, don’t worry.

Jonathan Lee Riches (via Apple Insider)

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Katherine Hannaford
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