GTA Online "I'm not a hipster" update released


Even though it has been months since Grand Theft Auto 5 and GTA Online were released, the updates keep coming. The latest update, titled “I’m not a hipster”, brings tonnes of new stuff to those players who are still playing… ironically, of course.


The new update earns its name through all of the new clothes available for characters. According to the Rockstar blog, there are “new retro print tees, skinny jeans, hairstyles, tattoos, animal masks and more”. Apparently animal masks are cool now.

A couple of hipster-ish weapons (if such things are possible) have also been added: the Vintage Pistol and Antique Cavalry Dagger.


More substantially, there’s 12 new “jobs” (missions, races, etc) available across the map. Here’s how Rockstar describe them:

Airwaves (Rank 15, 1-8 Players)
Students of style know that what comes up must go down. Drop 4,370 feet while imagining you’re over all the bands you listen to on Radio Mirror Park, as you twist and turn sharply down to the pond below.

Race Beach Odyssey (Rank 15, 1-16 Players)
Nothing says artistic credibility like a grainy image of trash next to a burnt out RV, so get your butt off a nice beach, and go to a nasty one. This is a Point to Point Race for Sports Classics starting in Chumash, ending in Sandy Shore, mainly on-road with opportunities to hit top speed.

Race Before It Was Cool (Rank 15, 1-8 Players)
Any skinny jeans wearer will tell you, sometimes things just don’t fit. Try and squeeze up to eight compact cars around the tight corners of this lap Race in Mirror Park.

Race Caffeine Rush (Rank 1, 1-8 Players)
If your friends caught you drinking anything except a flat white at an independent coffee house it would be social suicide, but when you need java, you need java. This is a Point to Point Sedan Race from Del Perro to Mirror Park passing by four ‘Cool Beans’ coffee shops.

Capture Contend: Condo-monium (Rank 1, 2-8 Players)
Make a statement about late capitalism or income equality or art or pointless statements or something by trashing condos in Puerto Del Sol. This is a Contend style Capture going for the last of the party supplies in the courtyard between two identical apartment blocks.

Last Team StandingEast Vinewood LTS (Rank 9, 2-16 Players)
They don’t know how it started, maybe two girls got the same tattoo, or reposted a Snapmatic without giving photo credit. What they do know is sides have been chosen and East Vinewood’s gone to hell in this two team Last Team Standing.

Race Embracing America (Rank 1, 1-8 Players)
All your friends are going East in search of the last un-gentrified patch of turf in the country, and you’re heading West. Load up a so-uncool-it’s-cool Sedan, and race toward Little Seoul. Lots of straights and a few tight turns at the end of this point to point track.

Capture GTA: Grab a Cab (Rank 1, 2-8 Players)
After twelve hours ‘rolling’ at your local post-industrial techno-house night, your tattooed friends will be too wide-eyed to drive themselves. Pick up some taxis for them in this two team GTA-style Capture based around the Downtown Cab Co depot in East Vinewood.

Race Hip to be Cool (Rank 1, 1-8 Players)
Because driving around Rockford Hills in nice cars is too mainstream, and going through Vespucci Beach in low riders is kinda yesterday… This Compact class Race takes you back and forth over the Los Santos Freeway and in and out of the Casino parking lot.

Survival Legion Square Survival (Rank 25, 1-4 Players)
Freedom of speech is dead as the cops crack down on Legion Square protesters. Battle the police on foot, in SUVs, and eventually in Buzzard helicopters. And remember that the real bad guys are the bankers looking down on the action from their office windows.

Team Deathmatch Puerta Del Sol (Rank 1, 2-8 Players)
Every artist wanted to die young, then they wanted to mock their predecessors with an ironic statement about dying young, now it’s a post-ironic statement and they might end up actually dying.

Race Trend Setting (Rank 1, 1-16 Players)
A Lap circuit Race with muscle cars around Mirror Park for simple people who want to seem complicated.


And there’s also a bunch of new cars. A number or existing cars from the single player game (including the main characters’ vehicles) will be available to purchase online – and the game has received its first six-seater car, the massive Dubsta. Which should make big chases more fun.


This update follows the news last week that GTA5 is also heading to PS4 and Xbox One next year… with the superb bonus that players will be able to transport their GTA Online progress over, even if switching Xbox to Playstation or vice-versa.

James O’Malley
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