Is your neighbour an evil felon? Find out online, right now, for free.

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We all know the fear..

A new guy moves in to the place next door, and he seems nice enough – all smiles, and quiet, and polite, and stuff.. But, no-one is really that nice, are they?

You’ve just started dating, and as you stare lovingly in the eyes of your newly beloved, a thought crosses your mind.. you can’t help but wonder.. Is he/she all he/she seems to be? Is the friendliness and charm just a cover for a darker, more sinister reality? Is this person a serial killer who likes to rape children!?! They could be! How would I know!?

Well, if you live in America, there is now a convenient, free, online way for you to find out. Yes, spying / invading privacy has just got that little bit easier: criminalsearches.com is a beta website that allows anyone with access to the internet (that’s everyone now, right?) to search for any and all criminals living in their neighbourhood, state, or indeed, country. Not only that, but the website lists what crimes they were convicted of, and, brilliantly, their names and addresses too. Perfect for those costumed vigilantes all too fond of in-acting retributions of violence by battering pedestrians, pedalos, and pedometers, just because you can’t spell peedoph.. peado.. Pehdoh.. child molester.

The website is presented simply (for the simple of mind), and offers the choice of search results listed by name and offence, or on a Google-map style map. Either way, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be able to pinpoint exactly where the boogie-man is, how far away from you he is, and indirectly how much safer you are gonna sleep knowing that information.

Curious, I checked ‘John Smith’ in ‘All States’. Lots of results. Then I checked myself. Now, I don’t live in America, and I’ve never been convicted of a crime.. but I thought it would be fun to see what my Yankee namesakes have been up to. And the results were 7 x Ryan Weirs, and every single one (apart from Ryan Weir of Buckeye, Arizona) was convicted of a ‘Traffic or Other’ offence. Boring. Out of interest, ‘Buckeye Ry’, who was born on the 2nd of the 14th month, 1987 was convicted of ‘Behavioral’ offences (and four traffic violations). The bad lad.

So, in conclusion and summary.. I suggest you try it. Go put your name into the search engine and see what your namesakes have done. Let me know on the comments below if you like. Because that’s just about all it should be used for – a bit of fun. Because, treated sensibly, it becomes a very scary, sleight-of-hand, scare-mongering, dangerous piece of privacy-invading rubbish.

Criminal Searches

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Ryan Weir

4 comments

  • This is a smart blog. I mean it. You have so much knowledge about this issue, and so much passion. You also know how to make people rally behind it, obviously from the responses.

  • It really is a vigilante dream, despite this little disclaimer:

    Note: Some states include minor traffic offenses in the data that we receive; however, these people might not be actual criminals.

    The fact that they have to put that is scary.

    Thankfully in Britain we do have an equivalent, the Yellow Pages, where the people of Gwent and Portsmouth find all the peadiatricians in the area and run them out of town :

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2000/aug/30/childprotection.society

  • What, no pictures? Can’t I see a picture of the thug living next door to me? Can’t I see him slavering as he whets his sharp knives? Hey Criminal Searches, give us mug shots.

    • Agreed, Mr. Rotten.. Pictures / Mugshots would be an excellent addition to the website. Perhaps printable too, so people can print em out and go stick them to lamp-posts to let other neighbours know that there’s a convicted felon around. After all, it’s your responsibility to your community, right? You never can be too safe.

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