30 ways to tell you're Lost In Technology

Share

lost-in-technology.jpgI love gadgets. You love gadgets. We all love gadgets. But some people go TOO FAR. They’re Lost In Technology, cutting their ties to the world of flesh and blood in favour of a silicon-packed eLife at the bleeding edge of… well, something.

Worried that you, too may fall into this category? Here’s 30 ways to tell that you’re Lost In Technology.

1. Your partner cuts up your credit cards the day of any Apple product launch, just to be sure.
2. Seperate webcams mean you’re constantly streaming on three different lifecasting websites, in a bid to make Justin.tv look like a no-mark amateur.
3. You bought a PS3, Xbox 360 AND a Wii, just so you could pitch into online fanboy flame wars on whichever side you liked, according to your mood.
4. You checked a domain registry before choosing the name of your unborn child, just to make sure the URL wasn’t taken.
5. Not only do you own four AIBOs, but you’ve rewired them to cook, clean and bodypop on demand.

6. Your computer runs Linux, Windows Vista and Mac OS X. Oh, and said computer is actually a vintage Commodore 64.

7. Your robo-butler has a Facebook profile, which you taught him to maintain himself.

8. You actually give a toss who wins the Blu-ray v HD DVD war.

9. After several hours tinkering with the firmware of your Nokia 3210 mobile, it now supports WiMAX, downloads Google maps and converts them into ASCII images, and streams Last.fm.

10. On an absent-minded day, you actually answer your phone with your World Of Warcraft name.

11. Your bathroom taps have DAB tuners built in.

12. You spend more in iTunes downloads a month than you spend on food.

13. You bought four Nintendo DS’s and copies of Animal Crossing, just so you could hold your own animal tea parties when your friends weren’t online.

14. You say LOL to your nan, and then wonder why she looks a bit puzzled.

15. Every time a mobile manufacturer announces they’ve launched ‘the world’s slimmest handset’, you have to buy it. Even though that means two a week.

16. Whenever anyone tells you about a new band, TV show or game, your stock response is ‘Oh, I downloaded that in 2005’. And it’s always true.

17. Your cat has created a profile for you on OwnerBook.

18. The only way you can remember how to write with a pen is to pretend it’s a stylus.

19. You have profiles on more social networking sites than you actually have friends.

20. Your toilet roll holder doubles as an iPod dock.

21. Your partner moved into the back room due to your habit of spending three hours a night sleeptalking about the relative merits of the iPhone and PS3.

22. They also got the hump when you cried their name out as ‘Slingbox’ in the throes of passion.

23. You’ve stopped taking holidays, for fear of your RSS feeds overflowing while you’re away.

24. Instead of laughing at the idea of an internet fridge, you wonder out loud whether the Wi-Fi antenna goes under or above the carrots.

25. Your baby only recognises you when you’re behind a camcorder shouting ‘This is YouTube gold!’

26. You’re already spreading internetweb rumours about the second-generation GooglePhone.

27. You actually buy those novelty USB gadgets we write about on Tech Digest.

28. And use them.

29. You’re still deciding which Bill Gates keynote speech you want as the reading at your funeral.

30. You don’t need an electronic photo frame, because two of your six plasma TVs are already streaming photos from your home server via Wi-Fi.


Stuart Dredge