If you don’t mind having a laptop as heavy as three paving slabs, you won’t mind the Alienware Area 51 M9750.
As with all Alienware laptops, it’s not about being able to carry it long distances or lift it over your head – it’s about power.
The basic model comes with a Core 2 Duo T5500 at 1.6GHz, or you can up this to an awesome 2.33GHz with 4MB cache for a pile of extra money.
It can also house dual 512MB GeForce Go 7950s for massive processing power, plus you can have two 200GB hard drives whacked together in a RAID array for 400GB of space.
The screen’s a 17″ widescreen LCD capable of 1920×1200 resolution, it can house up to 4GB of RAM (for a staggering $1,200 extra) and comes with wi-fi, so you can just use all this power for checking your email.
It is more than adequate as a laptop, as long as you don’t want to move it around that much.