Nokia expands Ovi beta – adds 12 languages, tweaks sign-ups and promises web mail portal

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It’s pretty obvious to anyone who’s ever tried to set up a POP3 email account on a mobile phone that there’s a GAPING HOLE in the market for a simple, decent mobile email service that (a) works and (b) your dad can set up on his own without having to spend five hours on the phone to Nokia, Carphone Warehouse and, inevitably, you.

It’s a gap Nokia hopes its Mail on Ovi mobile service will ably fill. The Ovi mail beta has been expanded to include 12 languages, with the simple Series 40 app allowing mobile users from those 12 bits of the world to set up new Ovi email accounts directly on their handsets…

The Fusion Electronics CA-IP500 car stereo with unique iPod deep-throating dock action

Leaving your iPod sitting there in the ashtray while you pop into ASDA to see if they’re making jam or custard doughnuts in the bakery today is a definite no-no – so keep it safely hidden from view by ramming it right down into the stomach of the Fusion Electronics CA-IP500 music player.

The deep unit swallows an entire iPod, just like an old cassette-based car player, leaving it hidden from the view of opportunist thieves who want your iPod player for its potential eBay resale value and not your artistic tastes in music.

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It’s slightly unsettling tearing the poor thing’s face off and ramming an iPod down its throat, but as long as you don’t get too emotionally…

CAREFUL, OLD MAN: Doctors suggest "Wii Knee" will be crippling us all in the new year

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You know when you think of a great idea, then realise someone’s already thought of it and done it before? And better? Back in 2006?

That’s what’s happened here. Doctors at the British Society for Surgery of the Hand and Leeds Teaching Hospital have teamed up to say they expect Wii-related injuries to rise, as the UK continues to go Nintendo MAD.

Calling the invented symptom “Wii Knee,” the boffins expect to see an increase in patients suffering from joint problems in the new year, all caused by enthusiastic Wii Bowling sessions. It’s almost as if Nintendo’s Wii is the first invention to have ever required a man to stand up and move about…

URGENT BARGAIN NEWS: Get a Nintendo DS Lite for £75 today if you ACT NOW

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In a clever piece of pre-Christmas sales marketing, online tech-flogger Buyitplayit is knocking out Nintendo’s DS for only £75 – £24.99 less than your standard devastated wasteland high street retail price.

There are two catches – it’s only selling the frankly hideous turquoise and pink versions of the DS Lite so it’s only of use as a Christmas gift to any children you know under the age of eight or ironic media employees, plus the site is only selling 50 at the lower price…

Vodafone's IOU – a £2 PAYG credit loan when you're embarrassingly short of funds

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Vodafone’s IOU service will channel an extra £2 of credit into your account when you run out, should you be out of mobile communication beans and simply HAVE to send that final sexy text before bed time.

There’s a catch, though – in return for handing you a £2 mobile loan, Vodafone will want it back the next time you top up, along with a 30p service charge. Vodafone has thought it through and will have you by the balls…

ENRAGED Jeff Buckley fans plan to scupper Alexandra Burke's 'Hallelujah' Christmas number one plans

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The much-loved 1994 Jeff Buckley cover version of Leonard Cohen’s staggering Hallelujah is riding high in the charts, as FURIOUS Buckley fans mount an online campaign to stop a “cynical” cover by X Factor star Alexandra Burke earning the Christmas number one.

Thanks to the wonders of iTunes and the numerous other online record-flogging services that mean old records never die, the Buckley massive has already had some success – it looks like Buckley’s Hallelujah will end up at #3 in the chart next week, with Alexandra’s power ballad reinterpretation just pipping it to take the Chrimbo #1. Helping the bland warbler follow in such glorious festive footsteps as Bob The Builder, Mr Blobby and the Spice Girls…

Train companies agree on barcode format – home ticket printing and mobile sales now on

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The numerous franchises that operate the UK’s splintered, broken, late and chaotic rail network have all agreed on a common barcode format for ticketing, which, when it rolls out, will let us all print out our tickets at home – or buy tickets via text message.

Which means no more dehumanising queuing as you watch the clock tick slowly toward departure time, standing there, with the right money in your hand, helplessly fantasising about barging that old woman…

Remove all traces of joy from Christmas with the Radiohead NES remake collection

Some extremely talented but sadly misguided musician has taken it upon himself to recreate a load of classic Radiohead songs using only the NES sound chip. The resulting generational soundclash is an appealing MIDI-like collection of easy-listening tunes.

Here’s one example – a stirring interpretation of ‘No Surprises’ from that album everyone liked a few years ago.

If you like that, you might also like Paranoid Android, a quite superb version of Creep and…

LAST MINUTE GIFT IDEA: HANNspree's 8" SD8073 Digital Photo Frame

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If you’re stuck for a Christmas present idea and didn’t already buy everyone you know in the whole world a digital photo frame for Christmas last year, how about a digital photo frame?

They’re relatively cheap, plus they come in a nice box so will feel like a substantial, heavy present. The SD8073 has what HANNspree calls a “high-resolution” 800×600 16:9 screen, although we’re not sure 800×600 has been considered high-res since the late-1980s. Still, it also supports MP3s and MP4 video playback…

The LG Ice Cream Phone 2, or the LG LU1600 to its parents when it's in trouble

We revealed the original LG Ice Cream Phone back in March, and were just as bewildered by a phone inspired by shades of ice cream colours then as we are now. This newest Ice Cream Phone also lights up in fancy pastel LCD colours when someone ring you, plus there’s more in the way of web browser integration and tacky emoticons to keep the kids happy.

But, of course, we’re not particularly interested in the telephone or its features – it’s all about the ladies being forced to eat cold ice cream in the middle of the winter in the name of promotional photography.

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The poor things. Hopefully they weren’t forced…