Worried that someone’s relationship status has just changed on Facebook and you’re in the middle of nowhere and won’t find out until 6.35pm at best? Concerned that someone’s just Twittered about an update to their Flickr page which contains a photo of you taken at 2.25am last Saturday, but you’re eight miles from the nearest wi-fi point?
You are not alone. 27% of Britons apparently suffer from “stress” when not able to go online. This leads to a feeling of uselessness, as we’re stuck with having to use our brains to remember train times and facts about films Roger Moore has starred in, instead of having the internet at our fingertips to make us feel intelligent.
Blood pressure rises and heart rates increase, all because we can’t Google facts about which TV movies Babylon 5 actor Michael O’Hare has been in since departing the show…
An amazing 47% even said they thought the Internet was more important to people than religion, with 20% saying that spending time online is more fun than spending time with their partner – and a similar proportion reckoned they spend more time on the internet than with their family.
Seeing as my name’s on this post and it could turn up when I’m being Googled one day, I am saying nothing.
And the word? The word wacky survey-backer 118118 chose to turn this bland statistical news into a zany lifestyle piece so that maybe the BBC might pick it up and give it some prime-time free publicity? “Discomgoogolation.”